I’m not one to believe in conspiracy theories. I mean sure, I believe Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain, but when it comes to moon landings, JFK, and all manner of other nefarious plots, I always believed what I was told. I was happy, quiet, complacent, and most importantly of all, I was blind. I was a sheep. Wake up every morning, go to work, come home, watch the news, off to bed. Hit repeat on that enough and you’ll find yourself suddenly old and grey. But just like Neo, I was pulled abruptly from the Matrix one day, left to face a reality so shocking I could hardly believe it. I had stumbled upon some very strange things; things that shook me to my very core. Everything I had ever believed was turning out to be a lie. From that moment forward, every shadow concealed danger, every noise was a trick, every helicopter was the Fed. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I could only leer out of my window, watching the world go by, wondering just how much more there was beneath the surface. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning:
I had been wanting to try out amateur short-wave radio for a while now. I had heard about contesting, where you see how many different people you can contact in a short amount of time. The allure of talking to people from Brazil to China intrigued me. The technical aspects sounded challenging and I had a little free time on my hands, so I bought a modest rig. I toyed around with it most weekends out in my garage, enjoying a few beers and learning the craft. One January morning I headed out and flicked it on and began scanning the channels, when I overheard something unusual. I could describe it, but it is best if you listen for yourself:
It was a numbers station. A relic from the cold war, these are typically highly encrypted messages sent out to spies beyond enemy borders. They use a decoding system called a one-time pad which, if used correctly, are impossible to crack. They are also incredibly difficult to triangulate, meaning that their origins are almost always unknown. But these Lincolnshire Poachers became a bit too sloppy, and I began to notice subtle patterns emerge. I was excited and curious. Could I crack the code? Could I learn about spies and government plots? Was the moon landing faked? Was JFK still alive?
But it wasn’t any of those things. I designed an algorithm that decoded the messages, and what I discovered was that these messages were very, very specific. They were being sent by persons unknown, hailing from the Japanese isles, detailing the shadowy worlds of none other than the 15-year old video game franchise, Pokemon. What I had always assumed was a kid-friendly series of games turned out to be something far more complicated and dark than I had ever dreamed. I discovered, among other things, that:
Psychic Pokemon are Satanic
As a child I had heard grumblings from time to time about how pokemon glorifies psychic abilities. And just as helicopter parents would go on to raise concerns over Harry Potter, just like parents before them had wrung their hands over KISS, Pokemon was now firmly in their sights. The big difference being that this time they were right. As I diligently worked to unscramble the codes being sent, I soon realized the dire warnings issuing from the numbers. Pokemon certainly are satanic, and the Alakazam is the Anton LaVey of our day. I was skeptical at first, but then I noticed something. I was forced to confront the irrefutable evidence before me. Take a look for yourselves, my fellow sheeple:
I’m not taking a stance on religion here. But clearly these psychic pokemon can be linked to the satanic influences of the Bohemian Grove’s Cremation of Care ceremony. There, a group of the most powerful individuals in the world meet in secret to perform a dark ritual heavily influenced by Canaanite, Lucifarian, and Babylonian religions. These secret meetings, in which it is alleged that politicians and businessmen from around the globe come together to engage in reckless hedonism, shows the lasting influence the Alakazam and his Mewtwo brethren have had on developing a One World Government. Alakazam, with his extreme mental abilities, certainly would be able to organize such a colossal undertaking. The pieces were beginning to fall into place…
Pokemon die, and it is a government cover-up.
Everything was beginning to make sense, but I had the unnerving feeling that I was merely on the cusp of something far greater than I could imagine. Staring into the abyss of the unknown, I signed off from the numbers stations for a while, and decided to head down to the local library to do some research. What I found went far deeper than I expected. I stumbled across the case of an unidentified person in the infamous Mystery of the Sumerton Man. In 1948 a man was found dead on a beach in Australia. In his pocket was a carefully trimmed piece of paper containing the words Taman Shud. After a lengthy police investigation, it was found to be the ending lines of a collection of poems, known as The Rubaiyat. A day before the dead man’s discovery, an extremely rare translation of those poems were found in the backseat of an unlocked car, and the oblivious car’s owner contacted the authorities. Penciled in the back of the book was a faint code, one the authorities were never able to crack. The man’s cause of death and identity have never been discovered.
The problem is that we have been waiting all this time for the authorities to crack the code, when they were behind the conspiracy all along. I decided action must be taken, and so I searched for more clues. Turns out that in 1999 a man by the name of Ricky McCormick had died in Missouri from unknown causes as well. Upon his person was found two pages of encrypted messages; they also remain unsolved to this day. After careful analysis and slight modifications to my algorithm, I was able to begin deciphering the codes. It turns out that the Somerton Man had began asking questions the authorities weren’t ready to answer yet. He had become a problem, and thus they made the problem go away.
But the evidence cannot be ignored. It is from those codes that we learn the authorities were planning on making him “faint”. Unusual words to describe a killing, don’t you think? Fainting had indeed been used to describe pokemon when they lose a battle, but I became concerned that actual killings were taking place. I had always labored under the assumption that pokemon could never die. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Ricky McCormick’s letter, transcribed as best I can, states that “Clefairy has been dyng(sic) and cannot find reason. Graveyard (unintelligible) dark for daytime, shadows movng (sic), will talk more tomorrow.” My eyes opened wide. The rumors were true.
It’s description, in SoulSilver, states that “To steal the life of its target, it slips into the prey’s shadow and silently waits for an opportunity.” To me this description couldn’t be more clear. The Gengar is death, and when a Clefairy dies, the Gengar assumes the dead pokemon’s shape. Though still unconfirmed, evidence is beginning to pile up suggesting the Clefairies are being targeted by government sponsored chemtrails in an attempt to control the population. FOIA requests thus far have been denied without explanation.
What’s more is that rumors have been swirling for quite some time that more pokemon deaths may have occurred. I decided to sit down with a man who insisted we call him John Doe, and he allowed only a quick sketch to be done of his face to add some context. He says that for quite some time he has attempted to alert the public concerning these other deaths, but that he has repeatedly been silenced until he had to go into hiding.
Afraid of becoming the next missing person, he has all but gone off the grid, but via short wave radio I was able to track him down. He says pokemon deaths are not uncommon at all, and that there are cases of particularly egregious government-sanctioned poaching that goes on every day, just under our noses. He states that the nation of Kyrgyzstan had, after the fall of the USSR, entered into a secret agreement with a number of Western nations to provide animals to those countries to be used in testing. The Kangaskhan (a corrupted version of it’s country’s namesake) had shown signs of immunity to a number of conventional diseases and chemicals. Kangaskhans were being routinely tested upon in the mid-90’s and well into the next decade to try and deduce any usable defense mechanisms for use in military technology. This inevitably resulted in hundreds of thousands of Kangaskhan deaths over the period of two decades. Most heartbreaking of all, the animals were often with child, and the resulting babies resorted to cannibalism to survive. Evidence has surfaced that the Cubone may simply be an orphaned Kangaskhan wearing its mother’s skull. I was stunned.
This was all just the tip of the iceberg, however. For what came next, no man could prepare for.
The 9/11 connection:
And here we have it. The big one. In Pokemon Black and White, we are introduced to a new region called Unova. It is an innocent enough looking place:
And it is even described by the city planners as having been modeled after New York City, specifically Manhattan. However, Route 4 (the desert area) directly corresponds with where ground zero would be located, and all throughout the route we see nothing but construction equipment. The “official” story is that a meteor crashed into the area and destroyed the buildings, and that the government, for our safety, has quarantined the meteor. The problem is that no one has been able to inspect the rock, and Team Plasma’s requests to do an independent investigation have been repeatedly denied. This should be enough to raise red flags in anyone’s minds as to what really happened to Unova, especially when we see subtle pieces of evidence popping up all around us. Take for instance Kyurem, the pokemon that arrived on the meteor, whose height was originally listed on Bulbapedia as 9’11” but secretly changed just recently to 9’10”. How convenient. Now I’m not saying Pokemon had anything to do with this, but there are legitimate and yet-to-be-answered questions still swirling out there that need an answer. And if that isn’t enough to have you concerned about the pokemon-government complex, think about the subliminal messages that have been inserted into the game to influence the last election. When you defeat Brock, you receive the move Bide with TM08. Brock Bide TM08. Barack Biden 08. The pieces are falling into place my friends. It is time to wake up.