Jsixgun Presents: Fallout Technology

I’m not a fallout expert; my first experience roaming the wasteland was with Fallout 3. I did, in fact, love every second of it (well almost every second, those long foot trips while encumbered to the closest vender so I could sell my goodies did often make we want to try out for backyard wrestling so as to truly test my self degradation).

Congrats! You’ve survived a 23 minute walk at snail speed to the closest town, only to realize that the only vender in town is poor and can only afford that one gun you picked up. If that doesn’t bother you we have a sport we think you would excel in!

But literally mind screwing your self to earn “caps” took an eventual back seat to all that the game had to offer. One of the finest things fallout does is zany technology, and some of it, as you will soon see has some real world counterparts.

Rex the Robotic Dog:

 If you played Fallout: New Vegas and made it through the glitches and generally uninspired experience you eventually met Rex. Rex is the faithful companion of King, the Elvis gang leader. Now if you’re thinking Elvis with his hip shakin’ and curled lip singin’ inspiring a whole gang of miscreants that dress like him would be an awesome development, I hate you. That’s why before I gave up on Fallout: New Vegas I mass murdered every one of them; not before, however, I snagged the robot dog Rex.

For some reason sense their conception robotic pets have almost always favored the canine species. Perhaps this is because cat lovers are into poetry, and not awesome; this in its self is an untreatable and unfortunate reality in our society. By the way if my dogs > cats joke offends you, than you are indeed part of the joke. I digress.

While we aren’t being licked in the morning by android dogs (yet), or letting android dogs outside to cleanse their oil receptacles (again yet), we are building these bad boys:

This awkward little fella’ is literally named BigDog. Darpa has been developing the old brute along with the United States army to be a robotic pack mule. However, I posses imagination and with that imagination can one day see my very own robotic dog based on the same technology without all the pee, poop, and pet dander. See him in action below.

The Fatman:

 Okay, okay. So you don’t like pets- metal or furry? Well maybe you like guns that make big booms; nuclear blast booms in fact. One of the favorite staples of Fallout Weaponry is the loveable Fatman. A hand held nuclear rifle that will leave everything in its wake glowing for weeks on end. You can observe this piece of video game genius right here:

You may or may not know that it actually has a real world counter part, or did. You see we had this thing called the Cold War, which despite common misconceptions wasn’t named so because of the temperature at the time. Who cares? All you need to know is we developed something called the M65, and nicknamed it the Davy Crocket.

No, it didn’t hunt bears, skin coons, or run for the United States Senate. It did make “Big Booms” as previously stated.

The M65 was the United States’ portable nuclear rifle. It could be mounted on vehicles or even handled on foot. While larger in size than the average rifle, one could think of it more as a nuclear mortar. The only problem is that it shot a maximum distance of three miles, which unfortunately is not greater then the radiation cloud it created. So basically if you shot it, one would need to immediately trek miles in the other direction which is not optimum warfare strategy from what I hear. I even have a video of it in all of its deadly terrifying glory:

God bless the History Channel.

The Robobrain:

 Fallout has its share of wacky robots. One of the possibly more forgettable is the Robobrain but it fit into this article so I’m talking about it anyways. Now it doesn’t have the funny antics of Mister Gutsy or Mister Handy, and no it isn’t a walking tower of destruction like Liberty Prime. What it is, however, is a robot ran on a chimpanzee (and at times human) brain.

No, I am not the guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Adolescent amphibians who do martial arts?- preposterous!”

If you are thinking we should do this to Jay Leno so we can have his witty dialogues for all of eternity you may be on to something. If you’re a Conan fan all I have to say is does the carpet match the you’re a moron? (I honestly watch neither this just came out as I typed, and if you think it makes no sense your right).  Back on course, scientists actually have already created a robot ran on the brain cells of mammals; its name is Rosie O’Donnell and it has another new show. Scratch that its real name is Gordon “the Frankenrobot” and was created by linking the brain neurons of rats (insert Jimmy Fallon joke here). The coolest thing is it communicates with its robot body by Bluetooth. While it is early in its production stage, scientists are hoping they can learn more secrets of the brain synapses which could better help us understand neurological diseases. Honestly, we all know that means “code word” for human brain inspired androids. See Gordan below:


2 Comments to “Jsixgun Presents: Fallout Technology”

  1. Absolutely loved the article. However, you forgot about the sunglasses. They have them at pilot and they were in fallout as well. Otherwise good job!

    • No actually I have a follow up article discussing the sunglasses and…CRAM. You may be surprised to know that we have a real life counter part to cram, it’s called Spam and can be found in your local grocers processed meats aisle. Really, who knew?

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